After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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