Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
