I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
