Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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