We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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