i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
