ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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