I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
