fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am naked and annoyed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
