The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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