so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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