he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
