My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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