yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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