Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
