you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
