Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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