Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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