we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
