final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my liver is dry heaving
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
