I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Mom said you looked used
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
