the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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