i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
