I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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