It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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