please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize