I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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