Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
