I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
