I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
