After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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