i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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