Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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