Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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