Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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