It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
