just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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