She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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