and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
