We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
