My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize