who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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