Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
