I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
