how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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