we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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