Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
