textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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