Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
