Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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