You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
