Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
