Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
