i think i have two assholes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
