Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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