WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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