i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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