Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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