My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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