I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
