Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
