I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
