According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
