Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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