I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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