6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
