i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
