you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
