wakey wakey hands off snakey
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
