that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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