brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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