I just cut my nipple shaving
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
