i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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